i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
