I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Randomize
