If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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