so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
