OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
