Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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