So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
This is my gift to your gina
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
