thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
