The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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