You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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