did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
