I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
