i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize