I accidentally had phone sex last night
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
