dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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