i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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