he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
