Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
