Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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