It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
