Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize