You work out of a Hotel?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
