I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think I just sharted jello shots
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