i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She's the barista slut.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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