Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
