ya dads aren't the best wingmen
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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