omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
worst night to have a conscience
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize