remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
