Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
