oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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