Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize