I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
do herpes really smell.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
