I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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