Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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