how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
