When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
