Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
