My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
What a dumb baby whore.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
