you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
