He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
