he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize