New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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