So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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