I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So many bounce houses so little time
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize