I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Less talking, more tequila
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
