Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
