Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
They took my balls.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize