I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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