There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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