She is in my trunk
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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