I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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