nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
