i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
