Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
