You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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