you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize