In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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