nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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