OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
