how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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