we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
