They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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