bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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