bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
