ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
