a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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