Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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