Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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