Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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